When I'm Gone
by Raychel
Summary: It's been one year since Stiles was taken by the Ghost Riders. Though his friends remember him, he still has yet to be found. Forced to live their lives without him, one night changes everything. WARNING: Stydia
1. Anniversary

One year.

Lydia stared at the calendar before her.

One year since he'd been taken.

The memory of him stayed with her. Like a ghost that refused to leave her side. A ghost that she never wanted to leave but she knew he was alive. She would have screamed if he'd truly gone. They'd never stop searching for him. She'd never stop trying to find him.

"I had no idea." Lydia whispered as she marked the day on the calendar, a day she hoped wouldn't have to be marked but the day was over. Night had fallen over her apartment she shared with one of her best friends, Malia Tate. The girls had started on the wrong foot. Malia had fallen into their pack and immediately set her eyes on Stiles. Lydia couldn't blame her. Stiles was one of a kind and she'd only realized it in time to lose him. Sucking back a sob, Lydia turned away from wall. She'd focus on her school work. She'd been interning at a law office, something she'd never thought she would do but she was good at it. It reminded her of him. They used to solve problems together; they spoke of one day opening up their own investigations office. Stiles would follow in his father's footsteps and she would do the law part.

"Oh my GOD, remind me to never go into Mr. B's and order sub's right then and there. I should have called and ordered ahead of time." Malia came through the front door, holding a bag in her mouth since her arms were already full. Lydia rushed over to help her and Malia thanked her.

"Sub's again?" Lydia didn't hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I got a pizza in case you were sick of Mr. B's." Lydia looked around for a pizza box before Malia held up a paper bag, "Chances are it's no longer frozen."

"Sub's are fine." Lydia smiled softly as she put the pizza in the freezer.

"Lydia?" Malia spoke with a serious tone and Lydia knew what was coming.

"I don't want to talk about it tonight." Lydia almost whined.

"Look, I love you and I get it. I totally get it… I miss him too…"

"Don't you dare say it." Lydia could already feel her heart race.

"It's time." Malia spoke in almost a whisper. Lydia could hear the girls heart breaking as she spoke the words.

"Don't." Lydia pleaded, leaning against the counter afraid she might fall, "Malia please don't."

"I see you." Malia ignored her dinner so she could stand next to Lydia, offering a hand to the shoulder of the girl about the break down, "I see you every night… I hear you cry yourself to sleep. I'm worried about you."

"How can you say this?" Lydia pushed away from Malia before leaving the kitchen. As if distance would make a difference but the werecoyote was on her heals.

"I don't want to say it." Malia's voice broke, Lydia could hear the tears in her voice. Malia was on the verge of breaking, Lydia knew it, she could feel it, "I loved him too."

"You loved him." Lydia turned to look at Malia, "You _loved_ him. I… I…"

"I know." Malia nodded in understanding.

"I'll never stop loving him. I won't. He never gave up on me, how could I ever give on him?" Memories flooded Lydia's mind. How he'd looked at her, the way he'd saved her time and time again. Guilt took over Lydia as she came back to the realization that kept her awake at night. "I never got the chance to save him." Arms embraced Lydia, warm and comforting. All of the sudden Malia fell against Lydia, soft cries coming from her. The girl was now on her level, she'd stayed so strong for an entire year and now it was hitting her. Stiles was truly gone.

"After what we've learned, he's alive." Malia said into Lydia's ear, "He's alive he's just not with us."

"But is he OK?" Lydia narrowed her eyes at a photo that sat on their coffee table. Stiles. Smiling up at her without a care in the world. He'd always been the optimist, he always figured things out.

"Scott refuses to believe he's anything but OK." Malia reassured Lydia. Scott McCall. Best friend to Stiles, more like a brother. He was taking it the hardest and that was to be expected. He lost two people that same year, Kira and Stiles.

"How is he?" Lydia asked in a hollow voice.

"The same as us…"

"I wish he'd visit." Lydia admitted.

"I think it's too hard for him." Malia led Lydia to their white couch and sat down.

"He'll never leave Beacon Hills will he?"

"Not until Stiles is found." Silence fill the air as thoughts took over both girls. Lydia wasn't sure how long they sat there, almost holding their breath as if the moment they exhaled, Stiles would show up any moment. Lydia's phone went off, causing her to jump so high she lost her balance. Malia's phone started to ring as well and both girls looked at each other in shock. Lydia picked up her phone, handed Malia hers and both girls checked their messages. Lydia fell back on the couch, her heart speeding up. Malia took her hand and squeezed it, as if afraid she might fly away.

"He's back." Lydia was in shock.

"He's back?" Malia sounded dazed.

"He's back." Lydia echoed. "We have to go. We have to go NOW." Lydia sprinted away from the couch and grabbed her purse. Malia was right behind her, they left the lights on in the apartment. Their dinner untouched, their lives paused. Time seemed to stop as both girls hurried to the car lot.

"Lydia?" Malia spoke before getting into her car. Lydia stopped, hands shaking so hard her keys were clanging.

"Yeah?"

"Is this real?"

"God, I hope so."


	2. Where Am I?

Stiles Stilinski sat on the hospital bed. Not sure why he was there, not sure what time it was or when it was. The only thing he could feel was cold air coming through what should have been heating vents. Why did they always keep it so cold in the hospital? It wasn't soothing, if anything it was harsh and uninviting. Only family was allowed in so Stiles waited even though it felt like time wasn't moving. Stiles reached up to run a hand through his hair that had grown out. Where he'd been hair gel had not been in supply. Where he'd been was a place he never wanted to visit ever again. Where he'd been was a place that no longer existed and as grateful as Stiles was for that, none of it felt real.

"Oh my God." A voice so familiar it set Stiles at ease. "MY GOD." His father's arms were around him so tightly that Stiles felt suffocated but not in a bad way. Returning the embrace, tears began to well up in Stiles' eyes. "You're alive. You're here. Oh my God."

"Dad." It was all Stiles could mutter, "DAD."

"Son."

"Is this real?" Stiles asked as he took in the sensation of his father's lips against his forehead, giving him a paternal kiss before loosening his grip to stare down at his son. The Sheriff's eyes had aged, as if his life had been put on fast forward. Stiles couldn't help but feel guilty for putting those lines there. The lines that had obviously been the outcome of too much crying.

"It's real Son. You're really back."

"Why am I _here_ in the hospital?" Stiles didn't hide the fear in his voice. All he could think about was getting home to his bed. His comfortable bed that he'd missed before…

"Oh Stiles… what happened to you?" That was a good question. Stiles had been asking himself the same thing but it was all a haze. "I can't… Dad… I don't remember before…" Stiles couldn't say it; if he said it then it would become real. It would become tangible for all to see, it would no longer be all in his head.

"You don't remember where you were?" His father's voice was breathless.

"I can't remember a lot before I was taken, Dad." Stiles admitted softly, fear coated his voice as the Sherriff sent his son a look of sadness.

"Selective Amnesia." A doctor appeared from behind a curtain, he looked like he'd just gotten done with a lunch break of some kind. He looked chipper, like he knew that delivering bad news in a sad voice would make it worse. That perhaps delivering the diagnosis with a reassuring smile would soften the blow. It didn't.

"What does that mean?" The Sheriff demanded.

"It means that the trauma he went through is so unsettling that his mind is blocking parts of it out." The doctor explained, "Unfortunately that can come with other memory loss."

"So he doesn't remember who he is?"

"I remember." Stiles spoke up. "I remember who I am and I remember that I live in Beacon Hills. I remember that I'm a senior at BHHS. I remember my friends… I just don't… know them." Stiles felt a blanket of loneliness embrace him, he wished he could shrug it off but it was there to stay for the time being.

"Stiles… how long do you think you were gone?" The sheriff sounded worried.

"I'm not sure… maybe a few weeks?" The look on his father's face gave it away. "I was gone longer?" Stiles felt short of breath.

"Is this normal with Amnesia?" The sheriff turned to the doctor instead of answering Stiles' question.

"How LONG, Dad?" Stiles asked again but once again no answer.

"It's very typical. The memory loss can last for only a few days or much longer." No one was talking to Stiles, as if he was eight years old and waiting for a lolipop from the most upbeat doctor at Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital.

"HOW LONG?" Stiles rose his voice to remind the two men he was present.

"365 days to this day exactly." The doctor didn't seem phased by delivering this news and Stiles began to feel light headed.

"A year?" The breath was leaving him. "I've been gone an entire year?" The room began to spin.

"It's OK, try to calm down." The Sherriff took his Son's hand trying to ground him but Stiles rejected it. Getting off the hospital bed, Stiles looked for his clothes. He couldn't be there, he refused to believe it. There was no way he'd been gone for so long? He was having a nightmare that's all it was. A nightmare.

"I need to get out of here." Stiles felt the urge to run, to get away from whatever this was.

"No you need to calm down." The doctor said in a firm voice, his chipper mood nowhere to be found.

"Calm down? How do you expect me to…?" Stiles felt the room start to get dark, his breathing started to speed up and slow down at the same time.

"What is that? What are you giving him?" Stiles heard his father demand from what sounded far away.

"It's going to help calm him down." A voice said in the distance. Stiles began to feel heavy, like he'd stepped in quicksand. Someone helped him back to the hospital bed where he collapsed, not able to fight the sleep that came over him.


	3. Bad News

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for the delay in chapters, crazy busy right now. Will be updating as often as possible.

The hospital appeared bigger to Lydia since the last time she'd been there. It could have been the result of being away for so long or what was on the other side of the sliding glass doors. A welcome sign stood in front of the Hospital entrance but there was nothing welcoming about it. Lydia pulled her car into a tiny space as Malia parked her own car across the lot. A wave of dizziness came over Lydia as she exited from her car; she gripped the handle as the door slammed shut. Malia was by her side within seconds, she set her hand on Lydia's shoulder and squeezed.

"I don't know why but I'm so scared, Lee." Lydia choked back tears of relief mixed with anxiety. Two emotions she never thought would ever go together. Malia wrapped her arms around Lydia and stayed silent, as if considering what she was about to say.

"Well I'm not scared." Malia spoke with conviction." It's Stiles. Come on." Malia led Lydia through the sliding doors, the waiting room was a few turns away and Lydia saw Scott sitting on a hospital bench. Head in his hands, his shoulder's shaking. He was crying. Something dropped in Lydia's stomach and she rushed to him.

"Scott?" She knelt on the floor to reach his level." What happened?" Lydia composed herself so that she could be strong for the alpha. Setting a hand on his knee in comfort, she waited patiently as Scott shook his head back and forth.

"It's not good." Lydia almost fell back but Malia caught her. All of the sudden the feeling of relief was gone giving all of the power over to anxiety. Lydia felt her heartbeat go up, Scott's hand found hers and he squeezed it. He must have sensed her fear but they both knew that a hand squeeze wouldn't do much. It was just a gesture of comfort that wasn't doing its purpose justice.

"What do you mean it's _not_ good?" Malia asked through clenched teeth.

"He thinks he's only been gone a few weeks." Scott looked at them both, his eyes puffed up from tears of relief mixed with devastation.

"But he's OK." Malia answered, "He's OK, right?" Lydia waited for Scott's reply but he just shook his head.

"What is wrong with him?" Lydia felt fear squeezing her chest. She felt like someone was pulling her down, pulling her away. She fought the urge to fall back entirely.

"He doesn't remember who we are to him." Fresh tears welled up in Scott's eyes and Malia was next to him in a heartbeat. She wrapped her arms around him as Lydia stayed on the floor.

"What does that mean?" Malia asked, sending Lydia a worried look since the girl had hardly spoken a word.

"It means that he remembers you guys but doesn't remember how he knows you." Sheriff Stilinski spoke from behind Lydia and she felt a hand on her shoulder. Without a word, he pulled Lydia to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. Lydia could feel that he knew her pain; he knew it because he felt the same.

"Why aren't you with him right now?" Lydia asked, pulling away to look up at the Sheriff.

"I'm afraid that Stiles isn't taking the news very well. He started going into a panic attack so the doctor gave him some Haldol."

"He needed a sedative?" Lydia's heart broke.

"But he's alive." Malia reminded everyone, "You guys, he's alive. He's back."

"Selective Amnesia." Lydia uttered the words, "Where he was… it was so bad he's blocked it out." No one had to tell her what was so obvious. Of course Stiles wasn't OK, how could he be? After everything he'd been through.

"Always the smart one." The Sheriff gave her a sad smile.

"Are we able to see him?" Lydia now felt nothing but urgency to help Stiles remember everything as soon as possible.

"I'm afraid not. Doctor wants to keep him overnight for observation. But tomorrow once he's discharged…" The Sheriff paused, "I'm leaving it up to Stiles. I know he wants to see you guys, I can tell but he's still in shock."

"We'll visit him one at a time." Scott announced, "Everyone OK with that?"

"No." Malia answered immediately before sighing, "But that doesn't mean I disagree."

"We can't be selfish." Lydia observed. She then turned to the Sheriff, "Can we stay?" She asked, "This is the closest we've been to him in an entire year. I'm not about to leave his side, even it is through a few walls." The sheriff looked down at her with adoring eyes. He could see how much Lydia loved his son, he was grateful that Stiles had that but his face fell a bit when he noted that Stiles didn't remember who Lydia was to him.

"Of course you guys can stay. I was about to hit the cafeteria for some coffee, have you guys eaten?" Lydia's stomach grumbled in response and she realized how hungry she was.

"I'm not hungry." Scott shook his head, concentrating on his thoughts.

"You should eat something." Malia looped her fingers in his and helped him stand up, "We should all eat something."

"You guys go." Scott insisted. "I want to be here in case… I mean… " He didn't finish his sentence but Lydia understood. "You know?"

"Malia, can you grab me a coffee? I'm going to stay here with Scott." Lydia took a seat on the poorly upholstered hospital bench. Malia nodded softly as she and the Sheriff headed off to find a distraction even if it was for only an hour or two.

"Lydia-"

"I'm not leaving you." Lydia locked her eyes on Scott's, "I'm not leaving _him_." Scott didn't argue with her, instead he took her hands and sat down next to her. Lydia laid her head on his shoulder, staring at the clock on the wall. They sat in silence, not sure what to say to each other. There was not much to say that would help change the situation.

"He's going to be OK." Scott reassured Lydia, his head falling over hers. "You know that right?" His voice shook, he was trying to convince himself and Lydia felt hot tears fill her eyes. She wondered how many tears could be shed before there weren't anymore left. She had a feeling that she was about to find out.

"How can you be so sure?" Lydia dared to ask and she felt Scott stiffen against her. "I'm sorry." She immediately took back her response, "I know he's going to be OK, I'm just scared."

"You're not alone in your fear." Scott reassured her. "I promise you that you're not alone."

"Scott?" Lydia felt like she was drifting.

"Yeah?"

"How can he not remember us?" Lydia sucked in sobs. Her own memories of Stiles played over in her mind; the fact that he didn't have the same memories broke her heart in half.

"He does, he just doesn't remember who we are to him." Scott spoke in above a whisper, as if his answer would come out better that way.

"You know what we have to do then right?" Lydia whispered back. Scott pulled his head off of hers so his eyes could touch hers. "We have to help him remember us."

AN: I love reviews. Don't be shy. If you're on Twitter, feel free to follow me Teen_Wolf_Oasis (I stay up to date on Teen Wolf and Dylan's projects (Who is excited for American Assassin? OFF TOPIC I KNOW but…Mitch Effing Rapp)


	4. Remember

AN: Sorry about the delete. There was a typo and wanted to fix it.

Melissa McCall had been in surgery when she heard his name.

"Stiles Stilinski, age 19, found on the street of Pine. Yes, send Doctor Pascal to see him, possible psych evaluation if needed. Seems trauma-" That was all she'd heard before the surgery doors closed and Melissa had already scrubbed in. It would be one hour before the Surgery would end; it was the longest hour of her life. The moment the patient was stitched up and was prepared for Post-Op, Melissa fled out of the room like it was on fire. Stripping away her operation scrubs, she tossed them in one of the nearby waste baskets.

"Mom!" The sound of Scott's voice made her breath catch in her throat. She turned to see him standing in the hallway across from the waiting room. "Mom," Scott said again, this time in a voice that reminded her of when he was young and a nightmare just woke him. Her son was broken somewhere and she feared the worst. Turning around to face him, she was engulfed by two strong arms that were shaking. She felt sobs come from Scott, his shell was broken. That's what it was. The shell he'd been hiding under until Stiles was found. Scott had told her once that he had to be the strong one, he had to be the one to stay behind, that it wasn't fair to Lydia or Malia that they all stay. She remembered the conversation like it was yesterday….

 _11 months ago._

" _I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving him. No." Lydia was aghast at the idea, her face contorted in shock, "Scott, how can you even tell us to do that?"_

" _Because Scott's right." Melissa intervened as she entered the McCall living room. Malia sat on the couch with her knees tucked under her as Lydia paced in front of Scott, "just hear him out"._

" _Thanks Mom." Scott sent her a look of appreciation, "I want each of you to start your lives again." Scott stood tall in front of them, arms crossed over his chest, exuberating leadership, "What's going to happen when we find Stiles and he sees that we all stayed here? As if we stopped our lives the moment we lost him." Scott turned his gaze to Lydia, who had tears in her eyes so saturated that it was hard to see her green iris's, "You KNOW that Stiles wouldn't accept that Lydia." The girl said nothing; her tears didn't fall until she turned her head away._

" _It's true." The Sherriff stepped in, he was standing with Melissa next to the door way. Even though they were always the adults in the pack, it was becoming clear that Scott, Lydia and Malia were now amongst them in the world of Life. "Stiles would be furious if you didn't attend Stanford."_

" _What about Scott? What about you?" Lydia turned on him, "What about Vet school? You know that Stiles would freak out if he knew you didn't move forward with us."_

" _School can wait." Scott said with ease. He stayed calm for the sake of everyone; especially Lydia who was coming undone in a way that no one had ever seen. It was new. It was odd. It was understandable.. "Stiles will understand why I paused my life but Lydia… he'd want me to look out for you two." Scott looked at Malia who was still quiet, "Which means encouraging you both to get a head start; we won't call it moving on OK? That's not what you're doing."_

" _Well it sure feels that way." Lydia's tears were gone, she now looked pissed._

" _He's right." Malia sighed with a heaviness she couldn't weigh and frankly she didn't want to._

" _What?" Lydia was surprised. "But you said…"_

" _I remember what I said." Malia bit back tears as she remembered what he'd said when she ran away, how he'd tried to run after her and how mad he got when he thought she'd left him. "It was… um a deal we both made." Malia looked down at her hands, willing herself to not transform into a full coyote and run. She could run now, run until Stiles returned but that wasn't an option, just a fantasy._

" _I was there when you said it to him." Lydia sounded desperate. "You told him-"_

" _I told him that I'd never leave without him." A tear managed to escape her eye as Malia pushed herself up to a standing position. "You don't have to remind me Lydia, I remember, OK?" Her voice began to tremble and before Malia knew it, she was crying. "You know there was a time he said it to me. He said he'd never leave without me." The room got quiet; no one said a thing as if afraid to._

" _But he didn't leave us." Malia told Lydia, strength returning to her voice, "Lydia he didn't leave us, he was taken and we're not leaving him. We're getting our lives ready for him to return." Scott went to Malia and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't shove him off, not like she usually did, no this time she needed his arms to keep her steady._

" _I think you all have a lot to think about." Melissa spoke up to remind them she was there._

" _No." Lydia answered immediately, "No." Composing herself, Lydia took a few steps towards Scott and Malia. "I'll go."_

" _It's what Stiles would have wanted." Lydia said before she cut off all emotion for the sheer sake of sanity._

 _Back to the Present_

"Stiles doesn't remember." Scott pulled his head away from his mom to look into her eyes. "He has selective Amnesia."

"Trauma induced." Melissa should have guessed it. Who wouldn't have post traumatic stress after the ordeal he'd just gone through? Melissa pulled Scott in for another hug, trying to keep herself together.

"Is he going to be OK?" Scott asked his mother with such vulnerability that it hurt her to answer him honestly.

"I don't know." The moment the words left her mouth she regretted them. Her son's shoulders slumped for only a moment before he stood up tall again.

"I do." Conviction entered Scott's voice and his face became fixed on the wall. "I'll do everything I can to make him better."

Stiles had heard them outside of his door. He recognized their voices, he just couldn't place them. Frustration kicked at him and he wished he wasn't sedated. His eyes were wide open but his body had not caught up yet.

"Scott." The name felt familiar on his lips, his chest tightened and the room seemed lonely all of the sudden. Darkness threatened his eyes and he said it again, "SCOTT."

"Stiles?" He was by his side in two seconds, a nurse protested outside of the door but someone distracted her. "You remember me?"

"Yeah." Stiles felt Scott's hand grasp his own and the boys had a moment. Two brothers being reunited, it shouldn't have been like this. Not in a cold hospital room, not somewhere so foreign. "I remember you, Buddy." Stiles didn't hold back the tears of emotion. Scott was crying as well, it was all over his face and Stiles squeezed his hand back.

"I never gave up. None of us did." Scott fell back into the chair behind him, scooting it up to sit right next to Stiles. "All of your friends… the pack is here and the others are on their way." As Scott spoke those words, a weight fell on top of Stiles' chest and he didn't know how to respond. Scott read his best friends face and frowned, "You… do remember the pack don't you?" When Stiles didn't answer, Scott seemed to hold back more tears. He was being strong, Stiles could tell. Scott was staying strong for him.

"What _do_ you remember?" Scott asked Stiles gently.

"Flashes." Stiles answered immediately, "I remember you. I remember Allison…" His voice drifted away for a moment as her face shined before vanishing. Lydia's head on his shoulder, the way she'd held onto him in the tunnels as he'd clung on to life. Just as Allison was losing her battle, Stiles was winning his. "Lydia." He remembered her eyes, the way the sun hit her hair in the morning as the sun rose, flashes of her ignoring him entered his mind, how he'd been so doting and she acted like she couldn't care at all.

"She's here." Scott nodded, "Lydia's here."

"What?" Stiles felt true disbelief. "Why?" His question shot an arrow of shock into Scott's eyes. "Why is Lydia here?" Stiles took notice of how his voice had changed, it was deeper, and it was heavier than it had ever been.

"You don't remember her?" Scott's voice broke as if this news devastated him. The look on his face told Stiles something that he couldn't understand. As if Stiles had just told Scott that he was dying.

"Of course I remember her… I just don't know why she would be here." More flashes of Lydia rolling her eyes at him, walking away, and kissing Jackson. Stiles shook his head slightly, hot tears invading his eyes.

"What's the last thing you remember of her? What's the last thing you remember of me? Stiles… how much do you remember?" Scott was now frantic.

"We were sacrifices." Stiles whispered. "The Nemeton."

"You don't remember anything after that? Not even…"

"I know that Allison is gone. I just don't remember… it's all a blur, Scott." Stiles then felt something. It was a presence and his heart began to race.

"No. Lydia." Scott let go of his best friends hand and jumped up from the chair, rushing over to the girl who was entering Stiles' hospital room. Once again Stiles felt confusion over why the fact Lydia Martin cared so much to be at the hospital. Had they become friends in the time he'd forgotten? More than friends? No… that would be ridiculous, Lydia was never interested in him. She only tolerated him. A part of Stiles wanted to bark at her to go, to leave him and Scott alone.

"Oh god." Lydia's voice was different than he remembered, it was coated with emotion that he couldn't place. Scott said something to her under his breath and Lydia now sounded as though she was having her own panic attack. Whatever anger that had boiled up in Stiles dissipated as he heard deep sobs coming from the girl's throat. "No." It now sounded like she was trying to push Scott away from her and Stiles once again wished that he wasn't half sedated.

"It's OK." Stiles told Scott, not wanting to cause Lydia any more distress, "Scott it's OK, let her in." Stiles turned to her as she came into view, he saw Scott whisper something in her ear and she reacted in such a way that Stiles was truly surprised. Once again, Lydia looked she was about to double over in pain.

"You've got a minute before the doctor gets here." Melissa poked her head in.

"Are you sure?" Scott asked Lydia under her breath and she nodded.

"Lydia, what's going on?" Stiles couldn't take it anymore. Why was Lydia so beside herself and why was Scott so concerned for her? Lydia took a few timid steps towards Stiles' hospital bed and he could see her face. She wasn't the way he remembered her and guilt punched him in the gut.

"You're back." Lydia spoke carefully, as if afraid to speak louder.

"Don't really know where I'm back from but yeah… I'm back." Stiles watched her, the way she held herself, the look she was giving him. "I'm sorry." Stiles couldn't help but say to her.

"For what?" Lydia reached out to touch his hand, her eyes shut involuntarily as her fingers looped into his.

"For not remembering." Stiles let Lydia hold his hand. Something must have happened between them before he'd vanished, the way she was acting, how she held his hand. Stiles fought to remember but there was a black void that blocked him from going any further.

"It's not your fault." Lydia hiccuped. "Oh Stiles." It looked like she wanted to hug him and Stiles felt a sense of recognition. He managed to grip Lydia's hand and a few memories blurred in front of him.

"Come here." Stiles blurted out to her and she looked just as surprised as he felt.

"What?" Lydia's voice was breathless, a look of hope touched her eyes and Stiles felt another memory come on.

"Lydia, come here…" Stiles felt a hint of something but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. If he could hold her then maybe he'd remember. If-

"Guys, the doctor is coming. I'll stall him for a few seconds but you kids have to get out of here." Melissa had just won the award for worst timing ever.

"No." Lydia protested as Scott's arms looped around her waist, "No. NO." The way she was reacting to leaving Stiles caused something to jump in his stomach but it was gone the moment Scott pulled Lydia out of the room entirely.

AN: I'd like to apologize for how emotional that got.


	5. Home Is Where The Heart Was

His room wasn't the way he'd remembered it. It was quite the opposite, the pictures he'd hung on his wall were nowhere to be found. Instead Stiles was welcomed by four walls that were completely bare. An Air Mattress lay on his floor and that was when it dawned on him.

"My stuff was erased when I was taken wasn't it?" Stiles turned to his father, who joined him in the doorway.

"Not all of it." His father answered painfully. "I uh, I… I didn't want to refurnish it until… until…" The emotion flooded his father's voice and Stiles set a comforting hand on his arm.

"Until I got back?" Stiles made sure to say it in a light tone. The situation was not to be taken lightly but it was all he could hold onto at the moment.

"Yeah."

"So where _are_ the things that were left behind?" Stiles entered the room, cold air inviting him in. He made a mental note to buy some warm blankets with his new bed, "Where's my Jeep?"

"Scott has your Jeep, Lydia wanted it but-"

"Lydia?" Stiles cut his father off, he didn't hide his shock. "Why the hell did Lydia want my Jeep?" Every time her name came out of this mouth, Stiles felt a sense of urgency stir within him. Stiles didn't let his father answer, "So if the Ghost Riders didn't take everything, where is it all?" Stiles had a sneaking suspicion he already knew the answer.

"Lydia." His father answered with a sigh. Stiles mouthed her name feeling entirely baffled by the notion that Lydia Martin wanted his things.

"So do you want to be the one to tell me why Lydia was allowed to take all of my stuff?" Something flashed over his fathers eyes, as if Stiles had offended him.

"Listen to me, Son. I know you don't remember much about her right now but…" The Sheriff swallowed hard, "That girl cares more about your life than her own. Do not forget that. Be kind to her at all costs." Stiles stared at his dad in bewilderment. A memory hit Stiles of him telling Lydia that he'd be devastated if she died. That memory was followed by Lydia running into the arms of her old boyfriend Jackson and Stiles shoved away his warm feelings.

"What the hell aren't you telling me?" Stiles turned to his father. "Dad?"

"Stiles, we should go to the store before night falls."

"Why won't you answer me?" Stiles could feel his hands begin to shake.

"The doctor said you're fragile right now, that anything could disrupt-"

"NEWSFLASH." Stiles cried out. "No one telling me what the hell happened between me and Lydia is going to disrupt my recovery." He waited for his father to reply. He watched the man who had seemed to age years since the last time Stiles saw him.

"Lydia has your things because if I hadn't given them to her, she would have never left Beacon Hills. No, don't interrupt me, you need to hear this." His father stepped into the room to get closer to Stiles. "Scott had to drag her out of here the day she left for College. Lydia didn't want to move away without you." Tears began to fill his father's eyes. "She's the one that helped me remember you." His voice cracked. "Stiles…"

"Are you trying to tell me that…" Stiles voice was above a whisper.

"That she loves you?" The tears were now pouring out of his fathers eyes. "Yes. She loves you. I know you don't believe me but that girl was willing to be taken with you."

"It's true." Scott's voice came from the doorway. "Your door was open." Scott let them know as he took a few steps towards Stiles. "Lydia loves you." This information struck Stiles so hard that he felt faint; the floor met him as his legs gave out.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you." The Sheriff sighed.

"No, he needs to know." Scott knelt down to grab Stiles by the shoulders, "Stiles, listen to me. I know that you probably only remember the bad things about Lydia. The way she ignored you. How you followed her around like a love sick puppy dog and she still didn't notice you. How-"

"I get the picture, Scott. Thanks." Stiles sent him one of his famous glares of annoyance and Scott only smiled at him.

"Sorry." Scott looked up, "Do you mind giving us a few minutes?"

"Stiles?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'm OK." Scott didn't say anything until they were alone. Stiles waited, he waited for what felt like years. Lydia loved him? How? When? Stiles felt his heart break as he desperately tried to recall his relationship with Lydia.

"I can see you trying to remember." Scott told Stiles, sitting down on the floor so he could face his best friend. "If it's not coming to you don't force it."

"Can't you… do your alpha claw thing?" Stiles pointed to the back of his neck and Scott shook his head sadly.

"It wouldn't work. I talked to Deaton and he said that it could make the Amnesia worse."

"I wish I could remember." Stiles let frustration take him over. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Nothing." Scott reassured him, "Well OK, not nothing but give it some time, OK? Stiles… you're home. You're back. We have time to figure it out together."

"But what about Lydia?" Stiles whimpered, "Scott if I can only remember the crap she put me through, it's like a roadblock. I can't even fathom Lydia Martin loving me."

"In love." Scott corrected him.

"Huh?"

"In love. She doesn't just love you; she's in love with you. Like the kind of love where she would never look another guy's way." Stiles gaped at his friend as he told him this. "I know… tough to swallow. Lydia swore she'd never be with anyone but-"

"OK, you have to stop." Stiles cut Scott off. "This is a lot to take in. I'm having a hard time… handling all of this."

"Sorry."

"No, it's OK. I get it; you want me to know how much my pining for Lydia paid off." Stiles heard Scott chuckle at this, "What?"

"That's the funny thing." Scott smiled at Stiles. "She pined for _you_."

"SCOTT."

"Sorry!" Scott apologized as Stiles stood up. "I couldn't help myself."

"Well I'm glad one of us is having fun."

"Do you want to come stay at my house?" Scott pushed himself off the floor to meet Stiles, "Lydia and Malia are there but…"

"Malia?" A girl flashed in his mind like an old TV trying to come on. Her smile, her kisses, her hugs, "You mean… Malia?"

"You remember Malia?" Scott sounded surprised.

"I think so." Stiles flushed at a few more memories and his heart sped up.

"Oh," Scott gave him a knowing smile.

"What?"

"Your heart is racing."

"OK, so if Lydia and I are… whatever we are. Why does Malia feel… why does she feel…?"

"Because you and Lydia never got that far." Scott sighed. "Look, I think it would be a really good idea if you came to my house. Maybe it will help you remember if you're around them."

"Maybe." Stiles rubbed his hands together.

"You alright?" Scott asked.

"Do you really expect me to answer that?" Stiles stared at him.

"No. Sorry. OK, uh… why don't we let your father know. He might want to come along."

"What?"

"Oh. That's new too." Scott bit back a huge smile. "Your mom and my dad."

"Seriously?" Stiles felt a sense of happiness.

"Yeah. It finally happened."

"And I wasn't here to witness it?" Stiles sighed, "What the hell?"

"Come on. We'll stop at the store for some provisions. I don't know about you but I'm in need of some real food."

'Copy that."

AN: So I wanted to go a little light on the story since that season 6 premiere butchered our hearts. I AM STILL CRYING. Every time I watch the episode.

Puddle of tears. Thanks for reading!


	6. Laughter Is the Best Medicine

The sun was getting low in the sky, casting light rays into Scott's living room. Lydia's head rested on Malia's lap as she cried. Brushing the strawberry blond hair out of green eyes, Malia made sure to keep her friends hair from getting damp. Malia recalled the last time Lydia cried this much was the day they left Beacon Hills. As tough as it had been to leave her first home behind, as well as the memory of her first love, Malia had not taken it as hard as Lydia. There was no consoling a broken heart, especially a heart that would never mend until the person who held their heart returned. Lydia's holder of her heart was now here and he had no idea what to do with it.

"What if he never remembers?" Lydia whispered, "I don't think I could live with that."

"He'll remember." Malia reassured her.

"How can you be so sure?" Lydia challenged.

"Because you're not so sure."

"Malia?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we're out of tissues." This was not what Malia had expected to hear but it was definitely a change of pace from the crying.

"I'll go get some toiler paper."

"Cant, I cried through those about an hour ago." Lydia sighed, "Anything paper product that was in this house no longer exists."

"Then I'll just go out and get you some." Malia gently helped Lydia sit up. "You gonna be OK?"

"You really expect me to answer that?" Lydia hiccuped before forcing a tiny smile. "Yeah, I'll be OK."

"I think I saw some chocolate in the kitchen. Just pretend it's me comforting you whenever…" Malia's sentenced trailed off as she saw Lydia's face flash with amusement. "Forget what I just said. I'll be right back." Setting a soft kiss on Lydia's hair, Malia left the house. Her legs felt heavy, not because of Lydia but because of the entire situation. Malia did not want to get emotional. Like she'd told Lydia… she was sure because she had to be. The sun was close to setting as Malia opened the door to her car, the smell of anxiety caused her to almost choke and she rolled the windows down. The drive to the store didn't take very long; Malia had turned on some music to drown out the feelings of worry. She wouldn't break down, she couldn't. No. She refused. That came to an end when she saw a Blue Jeep in the parking lot of the local store. It wasn't just Scott she could smell as she exited her car. She smelled _him_. Though Malia no longer had romantic feelings for Stiles, he still held a deep place in her heart. He'd been the one to help her become human again.

"Stiles?" She didn't mean for it to sound like a question because she knew it was him. His hair had grown out, he was much broader. Stiles was leaving the store with a bag in hand. All of the sudden his eyes drifted to Malia and she tensed. Witnessing how Lydia had broken down over how Stiles didn't remember her, Malia all of the sudden felt that sense of worry she'd been shoving away.

"Lee?" Stiles said softly and Malia let out a breath she'd been holding.

"You remember me?" Malia said only loud enough for them to both hear. A smile broke out over his lips and Malia ran towards him, she pulled him into a super tight hug and Stiles dropped the bag he'd been carrying.

"Oh, OK. Yeah um, I remember this part too… how super strong you are." Stiles sounded strained and Malia released him.

"I'm so sorry! I just. You're… I just."

"It's good to see you too." The momentary feeling of happiness Malia felt was suddenly replaced with sadness. It must have shown on her face because Stiles frowned.

"How much of me do you remember?" She questioned him.

"Kind of like with Scott. Pieces, I don't remember everything but I remember parts."

"But you don't remember Lydia." She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. His shoulders drooped as Stiles seemed to go into a trance of confusion. "It's alright." Malia assured him. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

"You don't have to apologize. I just already feel guilty for not remembering her, so when people react the way you and everyone else does, it feels horrible."

"I'm sorry." Malia sighed.

"Yeah I am too."

"Malia?" Scott exited the store carrying two bags. "Oh no. Please don't tell me you're cooking tonight." Stiles looked up at them in surprise.

"Well now that you mention it, I might." Malia crossed her arms over her chest.

"But you burn water." Scott complained.

"You… don't know how to _boil_ water." Malia retorted.

"I'll have you know that I can make a mean plate of spaghetti, OK?"

"Like the time we had to order pizza because your spaghetti was too rubbery?"

"Uh guys?" Stiles reminded them that he was there. Malia threw him an apologetic look.

"I'm here because Lydia cried through every Kleenex in your house."

"What about toilet paper?" Scott asked.

"She cried through that too." Stiles' face fell after he heard this.

"Because of me?" Stiles intercepted. "She's crying because of _me_."

"No." Malia lied.

"No?" Scott echoed.

"NO." Malia frowned as Scott and Stiles stared her down. "OK FINE. Yes." Malia looked only at Stiles now. "Yes, she's crying because you can't recall a few things."

"Maybe this is a bad idea." Stiles turned to Scott. "I don't want to make things worse for Lydia."

"But Dude, staying away from her isn't the greatest idea either. She hasn't been able to see you or talk to you for an entire year." Scott told Stiles.

"But if it hurts Lydia that I can't remember her, how is me being around her going to make things better?" Stiles looked from Scott to Malia.

"Oh my god, you are such a _guy._ " Malia groaned. "Of course you being around will make things better for her. Even though you don't remember her, she remembers you."

"Exactly. The least you can do is be around her as much as possible." Scott shrugged.

"But-" Stiles started.

"No buts, you guys are heading back to the house. I'm getting Kleenex and toilet paper." Malia hesitated before walking away. Stiles was staring down at his hands, the way he did when he was trying to figure something out. No one said anything until Stiles looked back up to meet their eyes. "I'm glad you're OK." Malia told him softly.

Stiles reached up to set a hand comfortingly on her shoulder as emotion began to rush over Malia again. No. She would not cry in front of them. She wouldn't. Stiles pulled her into a new hug, the kind where his arms wrapped around hers, the kind of hug that only they knew. It was a hug of familiarity and reassurance, Malia had missed him more than she wanted to admit.

"I'm gonna be in the car." Scott cleared his throat before giving them a moment alone. Malia pulled Stiles closer as tears leaked from her eyes. He was going to notice when his shirt got wet but Malia didn't care anymore.

"I'm sorry." Malia's voice broke, feeling her body tense up.

"For what?" Stiles kept his head next to hers.

"For getting _all_ emotional." Malia tried to shake it off.

"You should know that I understand better than anyone how hard this is for you."

"Can you understand how hard it kills me that you don't remember _her_?" Malia held onto Stiles as she pulled her head away from his so he could look at her. "The kind of love she has for you… it… it kills me seeing my best friend like this. But I can't help but be happy that you at least remember me."

"I wish I could remember her. You have no idea how much I want that right now but I can't." Stiles locked his eyes on Malia's. "So you have to help me."

"Of course I will." Malia replied in a heartbeat and she saw Stiles smile down at her." What?"

"What I _do_ remember of you is how much you struggled with human emotions and look at you now… you're crying in public and agreeing to help me at a minutes notice."

"This is the first time I've cried though." Malia frowned. "I've been staying strong for Lydia, she's…" she didn't finish her sentence when a storm of emotion filled Stiles' eyes.

"I'm really glad she has you. That you two have each other." Stiles pulled Malia in for another squeeze before gently letting her go.

"What do you need my help with?" Malia shifted gears and Stiles got serious again.

"You know what this feels like don't you?" She knew exactly what Stiles was asking so she nodded. "Granted I only lost a year but-"

"It doesn't matter how long you lost it can still feel like an eternity." Malia whispered.

"Exactly. So… I need you to ask me things."

"What kinds of things?" Confusion dawned on Malia.

"Just random things every hour or so. Look, I know it sounds weird but I have my reasons for it. Like now, ask me something right now."

"Like what?"

"Anything. Get creative." Malia frowned at Stiles since she had no idea what he was getting at but if it helped him feel better than so be it.

"What's the French word for Deer?" Malia blurted out and Stiles stared at her blankly.

"I was kind of hoping for stuff I actually know." Stiles' eyes widened, "Wait do I know French?"

"No-"

"Because I need a much more simple question than that for starters."

"Stiles-"

"Like my old locker combination or my favorite midnight snack or-"

"STILES."

"But not French."

"What's seven plus seven?" Malia threw at him with a defiant look. " And don't tell me that's too easy."

"Seven plus Seven? That's fifteen, right?" When Malia's eyes widened and her mouth dropped a bit Stiles shot her a goofy smile. "Just kidding, it's sixteen."

"STILES."

"SORRY. Ok it's fourteen." Malia rolled her eyes at him before giving him an endearing smile.

"You guys better go. I'll be home soon." She watched as Stiles turned to get into the Jeep that was already running. Scott gave her a wave before leaving the parking lot.

Malia felt around for her phone, she had to call Lydia and tell her that Stiles was on his way to Scott's house. After few moments of searching Malia realized she'd left her phone at the house.

"God I wish Lydia was psychic."

AN: This story IS STYDIA but Malia means a lot to Stiles. I love Malia and it's important that she be a good friend to Stiles AND Lydia in this story. Stydia in the NEXT chapter!


	7. Let Me Remember You

AN: Ok so I'm just making up for the long period of time I didn't update this story. Good Gosh, I want to give you a guys a good Stydia chapter since we need all the Stydia we can get right now (Still crying over the Premiere)

As Scott's house came into view Stiles sucked in a breath of what he'd hoped to be fresh air. There was nothing calming or fresh about it, air to Stiles was hard to come by at that very moment.

"Hey, Buddy are you OK?" Scott slowed down a bit as he started to pull into the driveway.

"I've gotta admit that I'm getting really tired of being asked that question." Stiles reached out to grasp onto the door handle as Scott came to an abrupt stop.

"Your heart is racing." Shutting off the car, Scott turned to Stiles with deep concern etched in his features.

"I don't know if I can do this." After admitting defeat Stiles pushed the door of the jeep open. He burst out of the vehicle not sure where he was going or what he was doing. Everything became fuzzy, it didn't make sense, he'd been fine only a minute ago. Where had this haze come from? Why was it hitting him so-? Stiles became still when he realized it wasn't his own emotions drowning him.

"Stiles, it's OK. Calm down." Scott had adopted his comforting tone once again as he approached he best friend.

"It's not _me._.." Stiles gasped out as he looked up at Scott. "Where's Lydia?" For some reason this question seemed to stun Scott at the worst time. "SCOTT, where's Lydia?"

"I'm right here." Lydia's voice was hollow; it was evident that her crying had taken a toll on her. Stiles looked in the direction of Scott's porch and there she was. Standing underneath the dimming porch light, something about her demeanor unsettled Stiles. He fought for clarity, he fought for recognition. Scott stayed still as Stiles took a few timid steps towards the girl who, according to everyone, was devastatingly in love with him. Lydia stared at him with wet eyes and trembling lips. "Stiles?" His name sounded so desperate on her lips, as if she was asking him a question he wished he knew the answer to.

"I'm so sorry." Stiles knew those words didn't mean a thing, that Lydia probably deserved so much more than that but it was all he could say to her.

"It's… OK…." Lydia lied; she was saying it for his benefit.

"You don't have to tell me it's OK. It's not OK." Stiles could feel something deep within him stir. He was desperate to remember, desperate to wonder if he'd ever been close enough to… "Come here." His voice was soft, it wasn't a command, it was a simple request that he knew Lydia would respond to.

"What?" Lydia seemed uncertain; she searched his eyes as Stiles closed the gap in between them.

"Come here." Stiles looked down at her and he saw it. He saw the look in her eyes, a look that gave away everything she felt for him. Wide eyed and unsure Lydia stared up at him not moving or saying a word. It was as though she were afraid of what would happen if- but it didn't last long when she allowed Stiles to take her into his arms. Lydia fell into him, her tiny arms around his broad frame, he could feel her fingers grasping at his shirt, grasping at him and a surge of strength coursed through his veins. Despite the angst he was in it didn't compare to the pain the girl in his arms was experiencing.

"I know you don't remember me," The agony in Lydia's voice sent a shock through Stiles that was so intense he almost fell over. "But that's OK… it's OK because you're here now." His heart was breaking for her. Stiles couldn't understand how the girl he'd been in love with since third grade but had ignored him for her entire life, was now holding him so tight he wasn't sure if she'd ever let him go.

"No Lydia." Stiles fought back his own tears as emotion tugged at his heart. "It's not OK." Stiles reminded her but Lydia surprised him by pulling her face away from his chest to look up at him.

"It's not your fault." Lydia demanded, "You don't need to feel bad about this, I'm not upset at _you_ for having a hard time remembering our history." Stiles felt the urge to wipe away her tears but it felt like it would be crossing the line. "I don't blame _you_." Lydia got timid all of the sudden. "I…I love you." Lydia's declaration caused Stiles to look at her in shock. "You told me." Lydia went on. "You told me you loved me before…" She was breaking again, "Before..."

"Shhh." Stiles cradled her head against him, she buried herself into his chest once again. Stiles had told her he loved her? When? He wanted to ask her but it seemed as though that would send her truly over the edge. "Why don't we go inside?"

"No." Lydia sniffled into his shirt.

"No?" Stiles echoed.

"I don't want to move." Lydia's voice was slightly muffled but she didn't seem to care.

"What if it starts to rain?" Stiles attempted lightly and he felt Lydia gently relax against him.

"Then we'll get wet." Lydia answered him. There was something familiar about it that Stiles couldn't put his finger on.

"I'm afraid I don't have a change of clothes here." Stiles kept on with the light banter.

"Scott can lend you something." At this point Lydia was no longer sobbing. Her cries had subsided as she stayed snug against Stiles' chest. "I just want to stay like this with you. I don't care what happens. I just want to be with you." Stiles was beginning to believe that Lydia really had no intention of ever letting him go.

"Um, I don't want to interrupt you two from standing in front of my doorway but my Mom and your Dad will be here in half an hour and Malia should be back any moment." Scott joined them on the porch.

"You really think she's going to cook?" Stiles asked Scott, his arms still around Lydia with his chin gently rested on top of her head.

"God I hope not." Scott muttered.

"Malia went to the store." Lydia said from the depths of Stiles' shirt.

"Yeah we saw her." Scott replied. "Someone went through all of the tissue products in the house."

"God, could you be more insensitive?" The words that came out of Stiles' mouth caught him by surprise. Scott blinked a few times at his best friend before giving him a knowing smile. It had been a reflex, an automatic response to anyone being rude to Lydia. Stiles knew this but he didn't understand it. "Just... go easy on her, OK?"

"Maybe this _was_ a bad idea." Scott feigned guilt.

"What are you talking about?" Lydia turned her face she could look at Scott, though kept her head against Stiles. Stiles had to wonder how on EARTH Lydia Martin had fallen in love with him and how on EARTH could he have forgotten?

"Stiles being close to you." This time both Stiles and Lydia glared at Scott. "Whoa hey, before someone throws me over the railing I just meant that he's acting like his old self." Scott explained before turning around to enter his house. Stiles and Lydia were now completely alone. He could feel his heartbeat rise; he could feel Lydia's heart catch up to his rhythm. The sun had now set entirely and the only thing illuminating them was the full moon. Stiles became very aware of Lydia's body next to his, how her breath was falling against him, how her hair smelled of flowers… his eyes began to shut as he let his arms drop lower than her shoulders. It gave Lydia more room to settle into his chest. Stiles felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her, an urge he was more familiar with than he realized. When he had his crush on her, he always dreamed of what it would be like to kiss Lydia Martin. This current wonder was different; had there been a true kiss between them that Stiles couldn't recall?

"Lydia?" Stiles' voice came out shakier than he'd intended it to. He was surprised at how Lydia took such notice to his anxiety. She looked up at him as though it was second nature to her.

"What's wrong?" The mood had changed and Stiles all of the sudden felt like he _had_ to kiss her but not until he knew.

"I have to ask you something and you can't hold back, OK?" Stiles couldn't believe the way Lydia was looking at him. Even in his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined _that_ look on her face.

"What is it?" Lydia gazed at him with such intensity that Stiles felt a rush of adrenaline.

"When I told you that I loved you…" Stiles felt his face flush but Lydia stayed perfectly calm. She knew this better than Stiles did. She remembered their love better than he did and he knew he had to depend on that.

"…Stiles?"

"OK, this is really difficult for some reason… I have no idea why." Stiles felt his body tremble with nervousness.

"Whatever it is you can ask me." Lydia reassured him though it didn't much help his anxiety.

"Did I ever kiss you?" He hadn't expected the response Lydia gave him. A sentimental smile flooded her face and she nodded slightly.

"You did."

"I did?" Stiles was shocked at himself.

"But it wasn't what you think." Lydia surprised Stiles by sliding her arms up his chest, something that he'd _never_ ever thought he'd feel but it was happening.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're about to show me?" She was so close to him now and he could feel the tension that was building.

"You told me that I was so smart you could kiss me." A smile that seemed sad at the same time as happy painted Lydia's face. "I told you not to but… you um… you…"

"I?" Stiles could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"You did it anyway." It was then Lydia went somewhere else in her mind, Stiles could feel it as well as see it. "It was the same night you were taken from us; taken from _me_." Her face turned serious.

"But I'm here now." Stiles reminded her.

"No you're not." It was then that Lydia gently removed herself from his arms. Pain crossed her face and she looked up at him again. "I mean yes you are but you're not _with_ me."

"What are you talking about?" Stiles missed her body against his. He couldn't explain it but he desperately wanted Lydia back in his arms again.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, Stiles." Lydia looked as though she were holding herself back.

"Take what the wrong way? Lydia…"

"Nothing can happen between us until you're here with me." Stiles stared at her for a few moments before he realized what she meant. Lydia wanted his heart to be in the same place hers was and he had no choice but to understand. "It just… it wouldn't fair." Lydia paused. "Not to me and not to you. I expect too much from you and that's not fair. I can't pressure you into feeling things or doing things that you don't even feel for me."

"Lydia I _know_ that there's something there, I do."

"But do you _feel_ it?" Lydia looked pained. "I'm going to be honest with you. All I want to do is take you inside and be with you. Just be with you and not share you with anybody else. I want to be as close to you as humanly possible but it doesn't feel the same if you're not in that same place I am."

"Now _I'm_ going to be honest with you." Stiles took her hands in his. "I _know_ there is something there. I _do_ feel it, Lydia I just can't for the life of me remember all of it."

"And that is _why_ we can't-" Stiles silenced her by gently taking her face in his hands.

"Dammit, Lydia just let me remember you." And then he kissed her.


	8. I Understand Now

**Chapter 8: I Understand Now**

The kiss held more intensity than Stiles had anticipated. Though he had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Lydia Martin, truly kiss her, not just some locker room kiss that helped a panic attack, he had not been prepared for this. Lydia had got on her tips toes to match his movements and Stiles had to pull away after a minute for air.

"You kissed me." Lydia stared at him with wide eyes, her hands had found his neck at one point and she moved them slightly down to his cheeks. "Why did you kiss me?" She looked elated and devastated at the same time. Stiles wasn't sure if he had the breath to answer but he became fully alert from the way Lydia was looking at him. He could see the moons reflection in her eyes, those beautiful eyes that if he stared too long he'd get lost in them. The porch light automatically shut off but Lydia stayed illuminated in the glow from the full moon.

"Lydia the only way I'm going to remember you, remember _us_ is if you allow me to be close to you." Stiles explained to her, worried that she'd protest but instead she gave him an understanding smile. Something flashed in front of Stiles' eyes; it was a memory, a memory that showed him that he'd seen Lydia look at him that way before. The hallways of Beacon Hills High came into his vision, students around him were laughing, a hand reaching out for his, _her_ hand.

"Stiles?" Lydia questioned as the memory almost came into focus but blurred back out. Stiles held in a groan of frustration as he fought for the memory, struggled to get it back but it was gone, like the way the Ghost Riders had taken him, erased. "What are you remembering?" Something in Lydia's voice helped the memory to resurface and Stiles held onto her as if his life depended on it.

"You were wearing red." Stiles began in a shaky breath, "You were looking up at me with the same eyes you are now." He knew it was real as Lydia's face changed into sudden relief.

"Keep going." Lydia prompted him, her hands on his shoulders, keeping him steady as if she might lose him again.

"That's it." The memory faded out to complete darkness and Stiles gasped out in desperation. It was gone as fast as it had arrived. The feeling lingered though. A part of him remembered them walking down the hallways of Beacon Hills High Together. Lydia had been smiling at him and then, "You stayed in school for me." The words slipped out of his mouth and Lydia nodded gently locking her gaze with his.

"I did." She confirmed and shut her eyes to revisit the memory with Stiles.

"You could have graduated but you…" Stiles strained to focus and then he saw it. Lydia giving him a note on his Birthday letting him know that she was staying in school… to be close to him.

"We became inseparable." Lydia attempted to remind Stiles, her voice was gentle but rough with pain at the same time. "We um..."

"No it's OK." Stiles reassured her. "You don't have to…"

"I waited for you at your locker every morning, I did." Lydia cried out as she raised her forehead to his. "Stiles you don't have to remember everything right now." But the sorrow in her voice said otherwise.

"But I _wan_ t to." Stiles matched her tone of desperation as he fought the urge to kiss her again. His mind warned him that rushing things with Lydia might lead to more confusion and conflicting thoughts over the present and past circumstances.

"Shhh, I understand if you can't. It's not your fault." Lydia reassured him, her lips inches way from his. Stiles could feel her longing to kiss him again and a sudden need for her rose within him, it was as strong as a tidal wave crashing onto shore unexpectedly. Stiles reached up to take her hands from his shoulders and brought them to his heart, interlocking his fingers with hers. Lydia gave them a gentle squeeze that felt like comfort, a comfort he had no idea he was missing until that very moment.

"I understand now." It came out in above a whisper; Stiles shut his eyes tightly before opening them to gaze down at Lydia.

"What do you understand?" Fear laced with hope came out of Lydia's voice and Stiles couldn't help but lean down to give her a soft kiss. It wasn't like the kiss he'd given her a mere few minutes ago. He made sure to be gentle and coaxing this time, Lydia followed his lead, taking her hands from his so she could wrap them around his neck, pulling him closer. Her fingers raked through his hair and Stiles now felt more urgency but pulled away before things could go any deeper. "Stiles?" Lydia was waiting for his answer and he brought his hands to her cheeks, cradling them before putting his forehead against hers. Lydia's eyes shut at his touch and he couldn't help but feel entirely protective of her. All of the sudden the idea of leaving Lydia alone made his skin crawl. The idea of being away from her caused him great anxiety.

"I now understand what you meant by wanting to keep me all to yourself." Stiles admitted to her and the edges of Lydia's perfect lips curled up in a sweet smile.

"Why's that?" Her question came out breathless and Stiles pulled his forehead away so he could look down at her again.

"Right now the only thing on my mind is being with you." It was a vulnerable admission he knew, it reminded him of when he used to adore Lydia but she never turned his way. If anything she used to scoff at him and roll her eyes, as if Stiles more of a nuisance than someone she wanted around her. The way she was currently gazing at him cancelled out all of the old feelings of rejection and heartache. Lydia Martin could see him now, not only did she see him, she was in love with him.

"You have no idea how safe that makes me feel." Lydia reached up to hold his hands against her cheeks. The warmth of her hands on his caused something in Stiles to jolt, almost knocking him over. He gasped out, trying to keep steady but it happened again. "Stiles what's wrong?" All of the sudden a vision of Lydia lying on a bed in some kind of dark room attacked him. Holding onto her, Stiles felt his legs give out and the girl fell gently to the ground with him. She made sure they went down slowly, her arms around him, making sure he was safe from bodily harm.

"I saved your life." Stiles gasped out, trying to focus as hard as he could on the memory of Lydia looking at him with pleading eyes, begging him to leave her because if he didn't he would die. "Oh God." Stiles felt Lydia's arms around him; the comforting pressure reminded him of another time Lydia's arms had embraced him. Then another time and another. Stiles was getting dizzy. "You told me to leave you but I wouldn't. I saved your life."

"You did." Lydia reassured him, her voice heavy with oncoming tears, "You saved my life more than once."

"But this time… this time it was different. I can't recall where it was but… you were lying on a bed, held down by restraints and-"

"Eichen House." Lydia offered with a heavy tone to her voice.

"Eichen House? What were you doing in Eichen House?"

"Why don't you let that memory stay lost, it was a horrible situation but I need you to know… Stiles that was when I knew that you were _the one_." Lydia gasped softly as she held onto Stiles. "I can't believe I just said that." Her body fell against his slightly as though she'd been hit with some kind of knowledge.

"Said what?"

"Don't make me repeat it."

"Lydia, you think I'm _the one_?" Stiles felt his heart begin to race but tears of frustration built up in his eyes. "God, I'd give anything to remember all of you." He felt Lydia find his hand with her own and there it was again, that feeling of comfort. The way her hand fit in his, another memory hit him and he froze. All of the sudden it was like a movie, playing images in front of his mind, like someone downloading photos at the speed of light.

"You were with me." Stiles couldn't believe what he was remembering. "Lydia you refused to leave me." All of the sudden he was engulfed by her arms, he pulled her partially into his lap and held her against him. His arms didn't move, he refused to move them because he was never letting go of Lydia this time. Never. It was all there, all of it and tears of relief poured out of his eyes.

"You remember." Lydia was crying her own tears of joy into the crook of his neck and Stiles brought his left hand up to cradle the back of her head, the way he had when she'd ran into his arms after the Nogistune was gone. Lydia fit in his arms perfectly and Stiles savored it.

"I remember." Stiles echoed as he felt Lydia hold onto him for dear life. "I remember _us_." He whispered into her hair and Lydia was now sobbing. "Um…I hope those are happy tears."

"Of course they are!" Lydia's lips found his and this time he truly kissed her. With all of the emotion he remembered, the way he'd declared his love for Lydia before he was torn away by the Ghost Riders. The way she had been the only one to remember him when everyone else forgot, how she'd been willing to be taken with him, she'd risked her life and now he understood.

"I love you." Stiles told her with as much passion as he felt coursing through his body, "Oh Lydia I love you so much."

"I love you too." The girl said against his lips before he pulled her into another kiss.

All the sudden the porch light came on and there was a chuckle.

"Should I turn the light back off and leave you guys to get more reacquainted?" Scott's voice held amusement at what he'd just interrupted. Stiles could now see Lydia again; she'd never looked so beautiful.

"He remembers." Lydia turned to look at Scott and Stiles followed her lead. Scott's face lit up with hope, the amusement replaced with deep emotion.

"How?"

"How do you think?" Stiles moved his arms away from Lydia so he could take her hands. He stood with her, making sure to came up with him, his arms now strongly around her.

"She pulled you back." Scott had tears in his eyes and he looked at Lydia. All of the sudden Scott had his arms around both of them, instead of protesting against the awkward group hug, Stiles embraced his best friend. He remembered Scott too, he remembered-

"Do I even want to know? Did I miss the life time movie too?" Malia walked up to them with a paper bag in her arms. Without a word Stiles pulled her into the hug and Malia looked at him with suspicious eyes. "Oh God. You've lost your mind haven't you? What's six plus ten?"

"I haven't lost anything." Stiles chuckled at her before laying a friendly kiss on her forehead. "I remember." When he said this, Malia dropped the bag she'd been carrying to wrap her arms around him and held him tight. With Scott's strength and Malia's fervor Stiles began to feel a bit suffocated. "Um, guys? Starting to lose consciousness here." They broke apart and Stiles sucked in a deep breath of fresh air.

"Wait, does this mean that you remember everything?" Malia's voice dropped an octave.

"Of course it means he remembers everything." Scott demanded before looking at Stiles. "That's what it means right?"

"I remember…" Stiles then knew what Malia was talking about and he was positive that his face gave it away.

"Oh God." Lydia gasped into him. Stiles pulled her closer, his anchor kept him grounded and he swallowed down what felt like a brick of emotions.

"No it's OK." Stiles shook away the memories of the train station, how it had smelled of ash, how the air seemed to stay still despite any movement. "This is why therapy exists."

"Won't a therapist think that you're' crazy if you start talking about Ghost Riders and how you were erased and…" Malia's voice trailed off, "Oh wait."

"I'll just tell them it's a recurring nightmare I've been having or something." Stiles shrugged away the sudden feelings of loneliness. "The doctor said this might happen."

"What might happen?" Scott asked.

"That the moment my memory was restored I'd possibly remember what I'd been through." Stiles explained, his hands going cold.

"But you know that you're safe now right?" Scott set a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Of course I do." Stiles reached over to mimic Scott's gesture. "I know I'm safe with you guys."

"Is this the moment where we have another group hug?" Malia asked. "Because I wasn't here for the beginning of the first one." It was now Stiles' turn to embrace them all, his pack, the people who never gave up on him. He was right where he was supposed to be, he didn't want to admit it to them but in a way he was OK the way things had turned out, if it wasn't for the Ghost Riders Stiles might not have told Lydia he loved her. It was that very moment when he knew his life was about to be over, how Lydia's life was about to change without him in it, the way she'd promised to not forget him. It had been the way she'd refused to leave his side, she had been ready to sacrifice her own existence to be in whatever world Stiles was in. That was when he realized Lydia loved him; she didn't need to say it because her actions spoke volumes. Her unspoken love gave him the fire to admit his own feelings to her. The truth was that Stiles had never revisited those feelings for Lydia until that night; there was always some possibility that hung in the air, an opportunity that they never took advantage of.

" _Just remember-_ " Stiles wasn't sure if the words would even make it out of his mouth but it was all or nothing. "- _remember I love you._ "

And she did. She had helped him remember how much he loved her and Stiles was satisfied with that. It was something he could live with. As he held onto the three closest people to his heart, a thought occurred to him.

"Hey, you guys know that I love you right?" The words stumbled out of his mouth and he felt Scott hold him closer, Malia laughed and Lydia gave him a small kiss on his neck.

"We love you too."

THE END

(or the beginning... you decide)

Thank you everyone for reading this story!


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